During the past few years, I have lost many, many friends and family members.  It seems that I am attending a funeral every other month.  I can remember thinking as a little child, “Are funerals really necessary?”

I find funeral home viewings to be barbaric, morbid and old-fashioned.  A dead body lying in a casket, for all to see.  Totally unnecessary, in my opinion.  Sure, I understand that our culture require us to pay proper respect to the deceased and the family.  It is only proper to attend the funeral and wake of a family member or loved one.  If not, you couldn’t possibly care about the deceased, right?

There are many ways in which to show respect and love for a lost loved one.  Send a card, say a prayer, release a balloon, grow a tree—anything to remember the special life that was lost.  Honor the memories shared and the laughs that were had.

I know a man that never attends funerals and never steps foot into a funeral home.  He feels it is cruel to expect this of a mourner.  I can’t say that I blame him.

I remember sitting in a funeral home for three days straight, when I lost my grandmother. It was complete torture.  I sat there, staring at her dead body and wondering how this could be sanitary.  She would never want us to see her this way.  Why should I be made to entertain guests while I was crying inside?

The family decided that three days would be sufficient to give everyone the opportunity to pay their last respects.  Well, if they really wanted to pay their respects, they would have visited her when she was alive.  She would have enjoyed their company and appreciated their visits.  It’s funny how people that had not laid eyes on her in more than ten years decided to show up at her funeral.

After losing a friend recently, I decided to forego the funeral viewing.  I just could not bare another funeral.  I felt guilty because I truly respected this person and had very fond memories of her.  I decided that I would remember her just the way she was.  I didn’t want to distort my memories with thoughts of her lying in a casket.  She was a beautiful person and I wanted to preserve that picture in my mind.  I wanted to remember her laugh and her smile, not her funeral.

In the future, I don’t think I’ll be attending any funeral services.  Instead, I will take a day to celebrate the lives of the people I have lost.  I will pray and enjoy a day dedicated to them.  Hopefully, families will understand that my prayers are more valuable than my attendance.

“Death is terrifying because it is so ordinary.  It happens all the time.”  Susan Cheever

 

Author: Rhonda Gutierrez