Facebook Confessions
Dear readers,
I have been taking some time dealing with some life changes. Many new and wonderful things have happened to me that required time to adapt. For one, I began a new job and made the decision to live a fulfilled, happy life. However, despite all of this joy, finding contentment in romantic relationships or finding “The One” still eludes me. I’ve realized that perhaps I’m not meant to find a partner or love. However, for the first time, I might be comfortable with this Enter: desired happiness and fulfillment.
The last time you heard from me, I was pining over my physical therapist. Since my last column, I learned that he is not only dating a woman, but engaged to her. Getting over Doc was easy because I hadn’t invested too much in him. Every once in awhile, I do wonder what could have been. Oh well, it just wasn’t meant to be.
My recent failures in the love department have prompted me to spend the last few months analyzing every past relationship. Yes, the list is very long-lol! Such introspection demands asking the dreaded question, “What went wrong?” By asking this, I am opening Pandora’s box. I’ve realized that by pondering what went wrong, I am somewhat admitting that I may have played a role in the demise of my relationships.
The more deeply I’ve dug into my past, the quicker I’ve realized that there was a person—the “one that got away” and holding me back from achieving romantic bliss. Why? For me, this man is as close to perfection as anyone. He’s tall, handsome, educated, friendly and family-oriented. He was there for me whenever I needed him. Yet because of past hurts, I was unable to fully appreciate him. Truthfully fear interfered and, much to my chagrin, I let him go. Although years have passed, this man has continued to literally haunt my thoughts and dreams.
A sign from above gave me a sudden moment of both disparity and clarity or so I thought. It was then that I discovered that I love him. Almost desperately. Something inside motivated me to reach out to him. Of course, because of recent technological advances, I didn’t have to talk to him in person, per se, which I realize now was a not-so-good move. So, I did what any hip, technologically savvy woman my age would do. I made a declaration of my love via Facebook, not in the form of a poke or status update but via message. Sounds a little tacky, right? At the time, it seemed like the right thing. Now, I can’t say that I had positive results. Sadly, he didn’t respond. However, for the first time in my life, I did something that was so out of character. I made the first move. I told someone about my feelings, with the risk of being rejected. To most people, this would be a huge setback, but not for me. For the first time, I finally understood how I’ve spent most of my adult life pushing men away.
I don’t know that I’ll ever make another Facebook confession in my life. The first one was pretty scary and well, didn’t have a high ROI. Oh well, here’s to finding true love and happiness. Wish me luck.
Author: E.J Leon
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