Many Hispanics live with the belief that elderly relatives should remain at home with family than at a nursing home. They can’t stand the thought of strangers caring for their loved ones. However, I have often wondered if keeping an elderly family member in the home actually hurts or helps them? Are we truly qualified to care for a sick, elderly relative? Do we have the necessary equipment to take care of an ill person?
All of these questions came to mind several years ago, while I was caring for my ailing grandmother. She was suffering from cancer and, as it spread through her body, I continued to visit her several times a day, working and caring for my own young daughter.  Serving her meals and administering her medication was fairly easy.  However, finding the time to take her for tests and doctor appointments proved to be difficult at times.  After several months of witnessing her suffering, I found myself needing a support group. I quickly realized that, as much as I hated to give in, I could no longer care for her on my own.  She needed the constant care that I was not able to give her.
Latino families’ belief in caring for their own is a great idea.  However…a great idea is all it is. Most families do not have the professional experience to care for a parent or grandparent that is seriously ill or suffering from conditions such as dementia or Alzheimer’s. In a perfect world, each and every family member could remain at home with great health and care.  Although most of us consider nursing homes terrible places where patients are mistreated, there are plenty that are safe. With proper research, assisted living residences and nursing homes can be wonderful new homes for the elderly. In my opinion, there is good and bad in everything. It is our responsibility to do whatever is best for our elderly. After all, don’t they deserve it?
Author: Rhonda Gutierrez
This is definitely a very sensitive subject and as you noted our hispanic culture takes pride in wanting to care for their elderly. Of course each situation is unique and must be approached individually. There are many factors to consider when it comes to deciding how to care for our elderly parents/grandparents. What is ultimately decided must be in the best interests of everyone involved, making sure that the care and attention of our parents or grandparaents is not compromised in any way.
Rhonda Gutierrez from Florida
(not to be confused with the author : )
Very well put =)
My mom had a similar situation taking care of my grandma, it was very difficult not only taking care of her but also seeing someone you love slip away right in front of you, she also gave up a lot of time for herself and with us. At times I know she felt helpless.But, when my Alzheimer’s finally took my grandma, my mom was glad she wasn’t suffering anymore. I know my mom had a hard time, but what I know what she valued was being able to be with my grandma that much more before she passed and knowing that she was comfortable because she was around familiar faces.
Crissy & Rhonda,
You both make very good points. Don’t get me wrong. I feel that if it is at all possible that elderly family members can remain at home with good care, then by all means it should be done. With that being said, many times one person tries to meet all the needs of the ill family member. If everyone cooperates and family members take turns caring for a parent, grandparent, etc., it makes things so much easier. One person simply can’t do it all. It takes a toll emotionally and physically. In that case, we are forced to seek help outside the home and it shouldn’t make us feel guilty. It is very unselfish to admit that help is needed. Sometimes we need to put our pride aside and realize that we may need help.
It is a decision to be weighed heavily. My mother was ill last year and we had to put her in a nursing home for recovery from a infection and partial foot amputation. She was a fully functioning woman prior to to rapid health decline and it capitulated me into #1 care giver for her. I found myself having to do her laundry take her to appointments and just be her general advocate in a health care facility that was substandard. Eventually insurance ran out and it left us with a heavy decision. She moved in with us and my level of involvement increased ten fold. Well it was one a the largest blessing to me in my family and her health increased dramatically due to being in a loving environment. She has recovered to a point and after 4 months she moved back into her house. It is a very personal decision and I am not here to judge or dictate what is best for your family, however know that hard work and self sacrifice is one of the most precious gifts you can give another human being.
Nichole,
It is wonderful that you were able to care for your mother. However, in my case, I was a single mother that had to work full time in order to care for my daughter. I was not able to be with my grandmother 24/7 and that’s exactly what she needed. You are correct, love and sacrifice are the most precious gifts you can give a person. I’m so glad you were available for your mother. It was truly a blessing.