The thing about networking using social media is that you can’t go into it hiding everything about yourself and expect people to respond.  Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t think that you should share everything.  However, how do you expect anybody to reach out, when they can’t even know you?

For me, learning about someone is essential to my networking.  Many of the people in my network are there for a reason.  I don’t need to be “Mr. Popular” so I don’t need to get maxed out.  As a matter of fact, I’ll occasionally weed through my list. So when I learn about a person prior to making actual face-to-face contact, there has already been some rapport set up.  By this point, I have either commented on a person’s status, exchanged messages or chatted.  Often, when we finally make contact, I usually salute them with, “So finally we get to meet!”

What I would suggest is that, if you do take the plunge and use social media, remember to balance privacy with openness. If you disclose too much, you run the risk of having what you say bite you in the ass.  If you protect too much, then, odds are that nobody will “network” with you outside of the people that you may already know.  So before you open an account or start a profile, ask yourself, “What do I want others to know about me?”

Author: José A. Rodríguez

Although Facebook can be a great tool, I believe that many people are misusing it.  While it can make life easier, it is often used to cause drama and problems.  Facebook was not meant to be a personal journal or diary where you vent your relationship problems and curse your mother-in-law.  It was meant to join professional adults in common interests and goals.  I have seen great things such as Amber Alerts, fundraising benefits, class reunions and job listings.  However, I have also witnessed some horrifying posts containing profanity, sexually explicit material, and just plain negativity.  Guess what? Nobody cares.  This personal drama should be kept just that….personal. Some Facebook users may be compelled to respond to this negativity just as they are addicted to soap operas or telenovelas. However, Facebook is not real life because in real life we have to deal with these people and solve these problems. You have to eventually deal with your problems.

People have come to believe that the solutions to all of their problems is to X people out.  If someone pisses you off, you simply X them out.  “Ah, ha, ha….I removed them!” And? So what? You may have deleted your ex-boyfriend from Facebook but guess what? You’re probably going to run into him at the club or simply just walking down the street.  What does the X prove?

I will tell you what it proves.  It proves that you are an immature person unable to deal with real issues.  Don’t get me wrong.  If someone is completely disrespectful, becomes a stalker, or simply uses undesirable language on your profile, they should be removed.  Then again, maybe you should have never accepted them in the first place? However, I am not talking about that kind of deletion.  I am talking about the people who continually delete family members and friends only to friend request them the very next week.  I see this every day.  One of my friends has deleted the same guy over seven times. Why? Guess what? You can delete someone but that doesn’t mean that they are dead.  When you turn off your computer and go to the store, you’re probably going to run into your ex-Facebook friend.  You’re going to have to acknowledge the de-friended church lady.  Delete does not mean erase.  Instead of pushing that button in anger, grow up, deal with the situations and start using Facebook as a tool instead of a weapon.

“It takes two to quarrel, but only one to end it.”-Spanish proverb.

Author: Rhonda Gutierrez

I have been taking some time dealing with some life changes. Many new and wonderful things have happened to me that required time to adapt. For one, I began a new job and made the decision to live a fulfilled, happy life. However, despite all of this joy, finding contentment in romantic relationships or finding “The One” still eludes me. I’ve realized that perhaps I’m not meant to find a partner or love. However, for the first time, I might be comfortable with this Enter: desired happiness and fulfillment.

The last time you heard from me, I was pining over my physical therapist. Since my last column, I learned that he is not only dating a woman, but engaged to her. Getting over Doc was easy because I hadn’t invested too much in him. Every once in awhile, I do wonder what could have been. Oh well, it just wasn’t meant to be.

My recent failures in the love department have prompted me to spend the last few months analyzing every past relationship. Yes, the list is very long-lol! Such introspection demands asking the dreaded question, “What went wrong?” By asking this, I am opening Pandora’s box. I’ve realized that by pondering what went wrong, I am somewhat admitting that I may have played a role in the demise of my relationships.

The more deeply I’ve dug into my past, the quicker I’ve realized that there was a person—the “one that got away” and holding me back from achieving romantic bliss. Why? For me, this man is as close to perfection as anyone. He’s tall, handsome, educated, friendly and family-oriented. He was there for me whenever I needed him. Yet because of past hurts, I was unable to fully appreciate him. Truthfully fear interfered and, much to my chagrin, I let him go. Although years have passed, this man has continued to literally haunt my thoughts and dreams.

A sign from above gave me a sudden moment of both disparity and clarity or so I thought. It was then that I discovered that I love him. Almost desperately. Something inside motivated me to reach out to him. Of course, because of recent technological advances, I didn’t have to talk to him in person, per se, which I realize now was a not-so-good move. So, I did what any hip, technologically savvy woman my age would do. I made a declaration of my love via Facebook, not in the form of a poke or status update but via message. Sounds a little tacky, right? At the time, it seemed like the right thing. Now, I can’t say that I had positive results. Sadly, he didn’t respond. However, for the first time in my life, I did something that was so out of character. I made the first move. I told someone about my feelings, with the risk of being rejected. To most people, this would be a huge setback, but not for me. For the first time, I finally understood how I’ve spent most of my adult life pushing men away.

I don’t know that I’ll ever make another Facebook confession in my life. The first one was pretty scary and well, didn’t have a high ROI. Oh well, here’s to finding true love and happiness. Wish me luck.

Author: E.J Leon

Since last winter, there have been three events scattered throughout Wayne and Oakland counties at locations such as Black Lotus Brewing Company in Clawson and Taqueria Mi Pueblo in Southwest Detroit.  Their next networking event, Mix & Mingle, will take place on Thursday, February 11^th from 6-9pm at Mexican Town Restaurant.  LP encourages professionals and aspiring professionals to attend.

For more information, check out their Facebook group Latino Professionals of Southeast Michigan (http://www.facebook.com/group.php?v=info&ref=ts&gid=103130694041).

Author: Gabriella Muñoz

I notice this, especially on Facebook.  Some of the requests and I share common acquaintances and there’s a reason to connect.  In this case, it makes good sense to establish a relationship.  However, there are many others that raise red flags.  These are people that are friends with a number of my acquaintances (so many that I wonder if they actually have relationships with them, want to have a huge number of friends or if they want to show off how many well-known people that are “friends.”)  When I get requests that didn’t go to any of my schools, don’t share common acquaintances or are not members of groups that I’m a part of, then it’s an automatic “ignore.”  I have enough respect for the people that I’m connected to that I don’t want strange people in my network.  Also, there are things that I’d like to do and I want the people there that can help me out and vice versa.  None of this can happen if I’m not careful.

One of the things that has tremendously influenced my philosophy on networking is Keith Ferrazzi’s book Never Eat Alone. If you haven’t read it, then you really need to do so.  One of the things that he talks about is that when you’re “networking” that you need to emphasize building relationships over just passing out your business card.  You can even extend this to social networking.  You ideally have a two-sided interaction. What can you do for them? What can they do for you? If you can’t answer this question, then you might want to question why you’re connected.

Maybe I’m off here but here’s what I do.  As a courtesy, when I want to connect with somebody that I don’t really know, I’ll send them a personal message explaining who I am and my purpose.  I especially do this if an acquaintance is trying to connect me with somebody.  I’m figuring that this person is wondering, “Who is this guy and what does he want?” I want the initial personal message to start to answer this question.  I give them the courtesy that I expect.  If somebody can’t answer that question, then I’m not going to connect.

With all of this emphasis on social networking, I think that with the rush to connect, we forget about the reasons why.  If you wouldn’t walk up to someone in “real life” present your card and walk away, why would you on the Internet?

Author: José A. Rodríguez

]]> http://miestilomag.com/so-what-is-it-that-you-want/feed/ 0 http://miestilomag.com/time-is-slipping-away/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=time-is-slipping-away http://miestilomag.com/time-is-slipping-away/#comments Sat, 07 Nov 2009 17:39:25 +0000 rgutierrez http://miestilomag.com/?p=1641 Read more ]]>

As I stumble through Facebook, reconnecting with long lost family and friends, time has slapped me in the face.  I have lost it and had it slip away.  The little cousins that were once babies are now adults.  The kids that I used to babysit, now have their own.  It seems like only yesterday that I graduated from high school.  Many of  my classmates are now grandparents!  Am I getting old or am I simply losing track of time?

I still feel young.  Shoot, I feel better than I did when I was 20!  I take good care of myself and I enjoy each day to the fullest.  I no longer take the simple things for granted as I often did during my youth.  I savor those rare family moments when we can all be together for holidays and events.  I look forward to parties and get togethers instead of avoiding them.  I realize that time is short and I need to live each day to the fullest.

You may have seen the previews for the upcoming Bruce Willis movie “Surrogates” in which he plays a futuristic cop in a world where people no longer interact face-to-face.  People uses avatars (digital versions of themselves) much like the ones we use today in online gaming to live their daily lives. Basically, the movie takes our present reality one step further by taking human out of humanity.  I can’t help but wonder if our future has the real potential to turn out this way.

As far as escaping reality, it’s better than using drugs.  However, whether we want to admit it, we need each other not just to survive, but to experience what it is that makes us human.  The mental stimulation from interacting with each other is something essential to our humanity.  This is something that we should not give up.

Along with this increasing disconnection, something else that develops is an inflated sense of self-importance.  Posting every move and taking pride in how many comments, likes or friends you have can indicate that you’re taking your online persona too  seriously.  Such people worry more about what they do online than in real life.  Many of them hope, Maybe if I post this picture of me seeming to have fun, then I’ll get a ton of comments from friends that I don’t even talk to in real life.

This preoccupation may even prevent us from living our lives.  There are those that are constantly texting their other friends while they are out with you and end up asking, What were we talking about? Then, there are the ones that have to take pictures of everything so they can post them later online.

I think that this escape from the real world takes a toll on our ability to feel.  Take, for example, Facebook’s “like” feature. Before, if you had happy news, you’d call somebody or go over to their house and talk. What an interesting idea?! Later, you could just send a mass email and probably get some letter-length congratulations. Now, all you have to do is post “I got a promotion!” You’re likely to get a few comments and a lot of likes. A “Like” gives people the opportunity to look like they care without even really making any effort. What it really means is, I like you enough to acknowledge your success, but not enough to actually type out congratulations.

Technology gives us more opportunities to pass the buck on all sorts of responsibilities. You can break up with someone over a text, you can email to your boss that you’re sick when you just feel like playing hookie. It’s coming down to texting whole conversations to our own family. Saying all that we want to about our lives, about how much we miss each other, all in less than 160 characters.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I’m anti-technology. I just want everyone to keep in mind how good it feels to have a good cry with your girlfriends after a break up, get a hug from your mom or to hear your sister lol for real. The best things are real life.

Author: Crissy Zamarron

Now that we have dating sites like eharmony.com, adultfriendfinder.com or chemistry.com, there’s less need to go out to the bar and waste time and money looking for somebody.  Fill out a questionnaire and you too can find true love.  You could also open up a Facebook or Myspace account, set your relationship status to “single and looking” and you can do the “finger work” yourself.  This way you can see pictures before you can decide to talk to someone, chat before meeting and, if you really want to know what you’re getting into, monitor their page for potential competition.

Another important tool the Internet has given daters is the background check.  One can simply “stalk” someone’s page(s).  However, it’s not like someone is monitoring everybody to see if they’re telling the truth about what’s on their profile. Simply Google their name and, for a small fee, you can get everything from their real date of birth to their last speeding ticket.  The only limit is that of your credit card.

Cybersex is so 10 years ago.  If you’re not “sexting,” you’re not getting any.  Now, more than ever, it’s easier to get anything, especially sex.  With countless porn sites to view, high speed instant messaging or the good, old-fashioned drive to your shorty’s house, you’ll never go, ahem, “hungry” again.  Even getting an escort is a quick click away.

So, I think that you should all take the time to give your PCs a good finger stroke making dating so fast, easy and good.  Internet, we salute you.

Author: Crissy Zamarron

Almost as important was my radio interview on WDET, Detroit’s NPR (National Public Radio) station.  I was featured along with Sree Sreenivasan (http://www.sree.net), Dean of Student Affairs at the Columbia Graduate School of Journalism and a national expert on social media.  For 15 minutes, both Sreenivasan and I discussed online media from different perspectives.  I discussed it in terms of Mi Estilo being an online magazine and using tools such as LinkedIn, Twitter and Facebook to get the word out and build up readership.  Sreenivasan was talking about online media from a broader, overall perspective.  I think I did a pretty good job representing Mi Estilo and other like-minded Detroit area individuals.

In addition, I am proud to announce our new writing intern, Crissy Zamarron.  She is an English student at a local university and has previous writing and editing experience. Her energy and drive will complement Mi Estilo’s progression to the next level. We expect the same big things from her as we have from Mi Estilo.

Speaking of big things, we are looking for writing and graphics interns.  In addition, we are also inquiring about freelance writers and graphics artists to help increase our creative output.  We are doing some big things and moving to the next level.  If you are looking for an opportunity to be part of a growing organization, then contact us at contactus@miestilomag.com.

Lastly, we and a few friends have started a networking group Latino Professionals of Detroit.  This group provides an opportunity for otherwise disconnected Latinos to connect, as well as for non-Latinos to participate in the cross-cultural dialogue that we believe so strongly in.

Our next networking event will be at Taqueria Mi Pueblo at 7278 Dix St in Detroit, MI on September 16th from 6:00-9:00p.  We do have a Facebook page, so, if you have a profile, be sure to join the page for Latino Professionals as well as Mi Estilo Mag’s page.  We look forward to hearing from you.

This is just a brief update on what we’re up to.  Keep reading.  Keep supporting. Keep spreading the message.  Without you and your continued support, we wouldn’t be here.  Also, if there is something that you would like for us to cover or discuss, share your ideas with us.  More than us publishing content is to make sure that it is relevant and speaks to you and about you.

We are on Facebook (Mi Estilo Mag), Twitter (miestilomag) and can be emailed at contactus@miestilomag.com.  You have the offer, so now speak up.

Author: José A. Rodríguez