I notice this, especially on Facebook.  Some of the requests and I share common acquaintances and there’s a reason to connect.  In this case, it makes good sense to establish a relationship.  However, there are many others that raise red flags.  These are people that are friends with a number of my acquaintances (so many that I wonder if they actually have relationships with them, want to have a huge number of friends or if they want to show off how many well-known people that are “friends.”)  When I get requests that didn’t go to any of my schools, don’t share common acquaintances or are not members of groups that I’m a part of, then it’s an automatic “ignore.”  I have enough respect for the people that I’m connected to that I don’t want strange people in my network.  Also, there are things that I’d like to do and I want the people there that can help me out and vice versa.  None of this can happen if I’m not careful.

One of the things that has tremendously influenced my philosophy on networking is Keith Ferrazzi’s book Never Eat Alone. If you haven’t read it, then you really need to do so.  One of the things that he talks about is that when you’re “networking” that you need to emphasize building relationships over just passing out your business card.  You can even extend this to social networking.  You ideally have a two-sided interaction. What can you do for them? What can they do for you? If you can’t answer this question, then you might want to question why you’re connected.

Maybe I’m off here but here’s what I do.  As a courtesy, when I want to connect with somebody that I don’t really know, I’ll send them a personal message explaining who I am and my purpose.  I especially do this if an acquaintance is trying to connect me with somebody.  I’m figuring that this person is wondering, “Who is this guy and what does he want?” I want the initial personal message to start to answer this question.  I give them the courtesy that I expect.  If somebody can’t answer that question, then I’m not going to connect.

With all of this emphasis on social networking, I think that with the rush to connect, we forget about the reasons why.  If you wouldn’t walk up to someone in “real life” present your card and walk away, why would you on the Internet?

Author: José A. Rodríguez

]]> http://miestilomag.com/so-what-is-it-that-you-want/feed/ 0 http://miestilomag.com/dating-then/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=dating-then http://miestilomag.com/dating-then/#comments Sun, 06 Sep 2009 19:21:59 +0000 rgutierrez http://miestilomag.com/?p=1364 Read more ]]> Dating sure has changed since the ’80s and ’90s.  We actually talked on the phone instead of texting.  We didn’t have computer to communicate.  The only computer that I used was in school.  It was an Apple, back when it was a hulking monster. There was no Internet.  We met at dances, clubs, school and parties.  A phone number was usually written on a piece of paper instead of saved into your cell phone.  Back then, cell phones were huge and carried in a bag and not that many people had them.  Then again, you could always “beep” your boyfriend and he would call you from a pay phone (what are those?).  Everyone had beepers.

A typical date usually consisted of dinner and a movie.  My dates were required to come to the door, meet my parents and ask what time I should return home. Oh…and I can’t forget that I had to take one of my sisters along. If one of my sisters wasn’t available, a double date with a family friend was the other option. I’m sure that a few dates grew a little sick of hanging around my friends and siblings. However, if they wanted to date me, those were the rules.  Did I mention that I had to be home by 10 pm—even on weekends?

My father told me funny stories of his dating days back in the ’60s.  Mexican fathers and families required chaperons on all dates. Maybe that’s why he insisted that my sisters chaperon my dates…hmmm? He was dating or “courting” a Mexican girl from the old neighborhood in Detroit.  The parents escorted her to the house and sat with them in the living room for the entire date.  She actually sat across the room from my father.  What kind of date is that? I don’t understand how they were supposed to get to know one another in that atmosphere? Dating was merely preparation for marriage. However, you have to remember that love was not required to be married back then.  A good girl from a good family usually married into another good, well-known family. It’s just the way that things were done. Needless to say, my dad didn’t end up marrying a Mexican girl.  As he put it, he was a little too impatient for all that nonsense.

I have to admit that I do not in the least miss dating.  I hated dating.  It was uncomfortable and nerve-wracking.  What to wear? What to say? Oh no…what if he tries to kiss me? Would my dad say something to embarrass me? I’m so glad that I’m out of the dating scene.  I can’t even imagine what it must be like today.

Author: Rhonda Gutierrez

With the recent deaths of family members, friends and celebrities, death has been a lingering thought in my head for months.  I finally realized that once we’re gone, life goes on. It doesn’t matter if you’re Michael Jackson, Elvis, or Ronald Reagan.  Life goes on.  People mourn and remember you but they ultimately go on living.  This brought me to the theory that I must live in such a way that my life will continue with those I leave behind. My children will sing the songs to their children that I sang to them.  My daughter will use my recipes when she cooks for her family.  My nieces and nephews will remember all the special things I did with them and remember me fondly.  My articles will influence the lives of many readers. My advice will help those facing challenges.  This is the way I choose to live my life. My life is about enriching the lives of others, while enjoying the short time I have here.  It doesn’t matter how, when, or where I will die, but how I live and the reason I was born.  And…I truly believe I was born to be a helping hand to those in need.  When my time comes, I hope I made a difference in this world.

Author: Rhonda Gutierrez