I’ve always said that to know me is to love me. As many character flaws as I have, there are just as many adorable things about me. However, one of the not so endearing things is my love for the dramatic. I owe this to many years of watching Mexican telenovelas (soap operas) with my mother. Many people have criticized the level of drama that I sometimes court. Once in eighth grade, a boy in my class wrote in my yearbook something so obscene, so ludicrous. He actually wrote, “EJ, take a chill pill. Not everything in life is a soap opera.” What exactly does that really mean? I often look back to this moment when I could have taken the road less traveled-one with less drama. What fun would that be? However, considering that I’m a woman that lives by the seat of her pants, it was inevitable that I should make some critical decisions about love.

At my last appointment with my physical therapist, we had yet another amazing discussion and I was able to confirm that he is NOT gay, as previously believed by my friend, Angie. We dug deep and talked about our mutual love of Star Wars, sarcasm and dark humor. He was even glad that my knee was in better shape, which gave us more time to talk. I ragged on Doc for being a suburbanite and pushed him to really know Detroit-the place that I love with all of my heart. I invited him on a tour of the city, so that he could see it through my eyes. Doc said how much he enjoyed our conversations and how he would take me up on my offer. I left his office thinking that we were made for each other and that it was just a matter of time. As giddy as I was, there was also something terrifying about the possibility of falling in love. However, I thought that I was ready now, more than ever.

Although I was certain that my physical therapist and I had achieved a new level of intimacy, I had my doubts. It was at this point that I made a very critical decision to do something I am too ashamed to admit. Yes, I google-stalked him. I admit it. I’m a horrible person. I had to. You see, my cynical friend, Pat, said something that really made sense. She said that, as long as Doc and I had the type of relationship where he could rely on me for emotional support, he would never take the step toward something real. I didn’t want to believe her. See, she is the complete opposite of my other friend, Katy, who believes that love will conquer all. Pat’s a bit more realistic and even has a theory on why men in relationships seek single women to become their “buddies.” She says that we, single women, are “safe” and are always there to give a shoulder to cry on or to flirt. As much as I didn’t want to, I had to admit that she’s probably right.

Now, this is where the drama began to ensue. I took to heart what Pat said and decided to put my super-sleuthing abilities to good use. After a few Internet searches, I found the information I needed to confirm my worst suspicions. I deduced that he indeed has a girlfriend-something that he failed to mention. I took a huge step and canceled all of my future appointments. Yes, that’s right-every single last appointment. Did I mention that these appointments went into the early summer? I figured that I had become too vulnerable and too available. Although I hate to admit that Pat was right, I was some kind of diversion for Doc.

After feeling really dejected, I came to realize that I want the whole enchilada when it comes to love. I want the mess, the complications, the occasional frustration that comes with falling in love. I want someone to love me and only me. I don’t want to be part of someone else’s relationship. Come to think of it, maybe it’s not drama but good sense.

Author: E.J Leon