For the longest time, I’ve been confused about what I really am. Like my parents, I was born in the U.S of Mexican descent. I enjoyed being unique, even if some of those assumptions were negative. In the end, this feeling turned on me. I developed a complex about having to act “ethnic” around non-Hispanics to keep up with their expectations—whether by doing well in Spanish class or learning a lot about Mexican history just so I could talk about it. The confusing part is that, even though it was obvious in my neighborhood I was different, my cousins who lived in predominantly Mexican Southwest Detroit, constantly told my sisters and I that we were “white girls.†We didn’t speak Spanish and lived in a “white†neighborhood. As a result, they didn’t consider us Mexicans. It was a paradox: my family members were telling me that I was no different than those same “white kids†that were expecting me to be a stereotypical Mexican.
It didn’t seem fair to me that I had to endure the same stereotypes as other Mexicans, even though I wasn’t allowed to call myself one. My frustration with this issue grew when my sister and I started going to catechism and youth group at our church in a Mexican neighborhood, where we lived for a short time.  We were bullied and teased for being “white girls.† The thought was that if we didn’t live their life in their neighborhood, then we weren’t really Mexican.  Through all of this, I still tried to embrace my heritage.  I learned Spanish (though I’m still not fluent). I learned to cook Mexican dishes.  Most importantly, I tried to enjoy being Mexican and all of my culture’s beauty.  I was starting to think that maybe all the “real†Mexicans were wrong about who I was.
Going to visit the†homelandâ€, as my dad calls it, was almost traumatic.  People stared at us everywhere we went and tried to take advantage of the fact that my Spanish wasn’t very good. The worst part was when we were passing an elementary school and the little kids began to yell at us, “Gringas, gringas!† I was shocked, angry and scared at the same time. I felt like an undercover agent that had just been caught. One of my cousins said that if you ask a Mexican from Mexico, we were not considered a part of La Raza.
In all of this, it seems like we’ve developed a certain envy of each other. We, in the U.S, feel detached from our culture though we try to fully embrace our background. On the other hand, there is possibly a feeling of abandonment lingering among our neighbors in Mexico—a feeling that since we left, we gave up the right to be “real†Mexicans. Either way, I can’t be sure as to why we feel forced to prove how Mexican we are. The funny thing is that while one of my “white†friends thinks it’s so great that I’m Mexican and is jealous of my heritage, I’d never admit to her that I’m not Mexican to some people.
I was and, to this day, still am nervous about who I call myself Mexican in front of, how to act around “real†Mexicans and who I really am. Sure, I’m proud to get to live in the US.  Does that mean that once my ancestors crossed the border, we left part of ourselves behind? No.  I am still proud when I see a Latino succeed. I will still work hard like my father. I still like soccer. I will never give up tamales and I will dance a cumbia until I die.  I sincerely hope that one day all of us will realize that being a Latino is not about where you live. It’s about what’s in your blood.
Author: Crissy Zamarron
I have faced those same demons and it hasn’t been fun. However, I am still proud of my heritage. You are a great example of Latin success.
I have been going through the exact same situations as you my entire life minus being called a “Gringo” when I have been to Mexico. It bothers me a lot because you see other cultures stick together and help each other out no matter what. I go back to the same neighborhood I grew up in in Southwest Detroit, and since “I got out” and now live in the suburbs I am looked down on? It really doesn’t make sense at all, and again it bothers me. We all have so much to offer each other.
Like you said all you can do is be positive and be proud of who you are and keep moving forward.
Well put, Ricardo. If a community isn’t working, then start another one. Maybe it’s time for a revolution.
Jose A. Rodriguez
The more culturally diverse we are, the richer lives we will have! A lot of people born and raised in Mexico, like myself, have a European heritage (in my case Italy and Spain), but that doesn’t make us any ‘less Mexican’ than anybody else, or at least I never felt that way. I don’t like soccer that much, I rarely ever take ‘siestas’, and I don’t dance rancheras or salsa songs very naturally, but like Crissy says it’s about the culture being in your blood, not the way you are supposed to look like or act just to accomodate the stereotype that people think of. It’s a whole lot more than that. You really can’t come up with a set of rules of what a Mexican is supposed to be, same thing as with someone being called an American.
I find it fascinating that even though the U.S. was founded by immigrants this is still a topic that causes such huge controversy.
Thank you for all of you comments. To be honest it makes my happy to finally hear that there are people that are just like me for once.
Ricardo, I totally agree with what you said about other cultures sticking together. I grew up with a lot of middle eastern kids and they really seem to stick together no matter where they came from. Yet, we’ve created these divides based on our “level of Mexican” when we as people could become so much stronger if we pulled together. We would all benefit.
Victor, I’m glad you brought that up, I wondered if there was the same kind of problem within Mexico between the more indigenous Mexicans and the more European Mexicans?
Great article! There are so many of us in the same situation. Are we white or mexican? We love our culture but we also love being american. So many of us can relate one way or another.