As I sat in the movie theater watching Precious, I couldn’t stop the tears. The movie was not only hurtful, but also poignant, shocking, sad and very, very familiar. Watching Precious reminded me of many of my childhood days in Detroit. I went to schools that were very similar to those in the movie. I had caring and devoted teachers that very much reminded me of Precious’ teacher. Thank God, unlike Precious, I had good parents. However, many of my childhood friends did not.
I can remember visiting the homes of my friends and being very scared. Some of my friends were abused, neglected, and regularly molested. I don’t know how they survived in those types of environments. Maybe it was because they had no other choice but to remain. Maybe it was because they had become accustomed to “it” and knew nothing else. I’m not sure what it was but it was life altering.
My parents often took in friends that came from broken homes. They fed neighborhood children that had nothing to eat. Although we didn’t have much ourselves, we shared what we had. I felt so fortunate to have a warm home and a meal to come home to. On any given day you could find at least two friends at our dinner table. We always had a friend or family member sleeping over. There were five of us (siblings) and usually two friends per person. I’m not sure how my parents managed to feed everyone but they did it.
To this day, friends fondly remember days at our house. They still send cards and make phone calls thanking my parents for the unconditional love they received through the years. We made lots of good memories in that three-story house in Southwest Detroit. We made memories that we will cherish forever. I often wonder what Precious’ life would have been like if she would have had a good family to turn to during her time of need. Thank God she had a teacher and social worker that cared about her. Thank God I had good teachers and parents in my life. Now that I’m a parent, my only hope is that I will make a difference in at least one child’s life and carry on my parents’ legacy.
“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.”~~Richard Bach
Author: Rhonda Gutierrez
I know this is kind of a dumb question, but I was just wondering if you or your parents ever called child services or was that just not done in the neighborhood, like was it taboo? I was just curious to know if any of your friends ever got that kind of help eventually?
Crissy,
To answer your question: We have called child protective services. Most times, they didn’t do anything to help anyway. However, many people are afraid to call due to the damage it could cause the child. For example, if protective services visited the home, afterwards the child would be blamed and beaten by the parents. The whole system is just messed up. Children are also afraid of being separated from their siblings and ending up in foster homes. Such a sad situation! We did our best to provide a safe environment for as many kids possible. My family also volunteered at the Boys & Girls Club which also helped many, many Detroit youth.
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Rhonda, your parents were (and are) wonderful to everyone. All of us Boys & Girls Club kids were lucky to have that place as well. The staff and volunteers there were wonderful mentors and role models, even if we didn’t see them that way at the time. No matter what peoples home lives were like, that could be forgotten at the Club, a safe place where you could just be a kid. I still love going there – many great memories!
Thanks for sharing your article. I am greatful to have had such wonderful parents. There was always someone spending the night at our house as well.I feel growning up in SW was a blessing and the bond that I have with so many is that of family and not of that for “just a friend”. I have so many amazing memories, great friends and loving relationships. Hmmmm Im going to have to see that movie! :O)
I also wanted to add, in a strange sort of way, some of these kids had a loyalty to their parent/family. It is a kind of stockholm syndrome. As my husband explained, the beast you know is better than the beast you dont. For him, he was “used to” his home situation. He felt that being in the system was scarier because, while, some foster family are truely caring, we also knew those who made a living off of it & didnt take care of the kids. He had a sister removed when she was less than 2. She had an unexplained broken collar bone. She had a good family & she probably should have stayed gone, but she was returned 2 yrs later. Child services left the other two kids in the parent’s home. He said he never told the social workers. Afraid to stay, afraid to go, staying was “normal.”
I think in some cases, these kids find going to a friends house like Rhondas is a safe haven for them. It is a place they can feel loved and cared for, unlike what they are getting at home. As long as they have this safe haven, they can survive what they are going through at home. Had CPS acted on any complaints, most of the time the child suffers more from embarrassment and conflicted feeling for the parents and the state. Should they go with the state and testify against the parent or stand by the parent no matter what, which in turn can cause a strain in the relationship they have with a friend or safe home like Rhondas. Its a damned if you do, damned if you dont kind of situation. I know from experience that having a safe home helped me in my childhood, but had CPS come along and looked into abuse in my home, i would have backed my parents and looked at my friends as causing problems for me and my family. Obviously, as an adult, I would view that kind of help as people loving me enough to try and help me, but as kids, we think differently. Wonderful, powerful article Rhonda. Thank you.